When you find yourself blankly staring at a wall…

I’m hoping I’m not alone in this, but do you ever just find yourself sitting down and staring at nothing, thinking nothing? Those times where you think “Hmm maybe I should get dressed and go outside,” but it takes you hours to get there?

This morning was one of those mornings. It took me, what felt like, forever to get in the shower, to get dressed and out of my towel, to actually get out the house because I knew being sat inside was only going to make me feel worse. I kept meaning to get a move on, but then I would sit down next to the heater and get lost inside my head again.

Sometimes certain events seem to cause this sudden state, but sometimes I don’t even know why I’m feeling that way; I then feel bad for feeling this way, which only serves to make it worse.

I don’t want to dwell in this mood anymore, it’s taken half this day away from me and I’m ready to leave it behind. Granted,  much easier said than done, but acknowledging that I’m feeling this way and knowing that it doesn’t have to last forever is a step in the right direction. I’m here, writing this post, drinking this coffee and I’m ready to start my day again.

I want to leave this on a positive note, which I will because I know I will turn my day around today. I’m going to take some time for myself, enjoy this coffee and do the things I know make me feel better; starting by changing this depressing music I’m listening to, to some Lady Gaga. I have lists, in countless notebooks, of things that make me happy so when ‘staring at the wall’ days roll around I’m armed with resources to fight back. Even though it can be so tempting to ignore them all and stay in my pyjamas, I know that for me that’s going to 100% make me feel worse, so screw that! I’m already feeling more myself with this new music, it’s amazing the difference that little things can make! Rather than thinking of all the big things I could do, which feel all too overwhelming right now, I’m going to keep focussing on the little tiny things, like little building blocks, that slowly but surely build me back up.

We’re allowed to have bad days, it makes us human, but learning how to deal with them is invaluable.
Goodbye wall!

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